Of our 32 weeks of pregnancy, we've spent the past 12 on strict bed rest, the last 4 (to present) continuing our bed rest in the hospital. I'm homesick, achy, tired, and jealous of all the "pinterest pregnancies" that everyone else gets to have. I miss my dogs and pretending I'm not home when I don't feel like dealing with anyone who knocks on my door. I want some alone with my husband for the last time in a LONG time before this baby gets here.
I'm so unbelievably thankful for my munchkin, but I'm in a real funk right now.
Please click the title of this entry "Bed Rest Blues" above, or "Read More" below to see more of my pregnancy and bed rest story
From weeks 20 to 28 I was on strict bed rest at home, however on week 28 (Halloween day) we went for our 3D ultrasound but never got that far. She did snap 2 quick shots, just to make us feel better, but she didn't get to do the whole "3D ultrasound experience." She checked the weight of the baby and my cervix length, and sent me straight to the hospital. The cervix is supposed to be around 4 cm long, and mine was 3 mm long. At that point the baby weighed approximately 2 lbs. 13 oz., and was also in a breech position.
Usually, a breech position for a baby that early isn’t a big deal, however, with the risk of preterm delivery, we’d be having an emergency C-section if I did go into labor. With a breech baby, there’s a whole list of risks, including head entrapment, where the tiny body “slides right out” but the head gets caught.
At first, my doctor told me to expect to be in the hospital for at least 6 weeks. She’d feel better with me being here until 34 weeks, but the perinatal specialists seem to think I’d be ok to go home at 32 weeks (again, that’s this THURSDAY). I have a sonogram tomorrow to determine my cervix length and the position of the baby to see if we get the green light to go home.
A baby heart monitor and contraction monitor are strapped to my belly 2 times a day; all reports are that the baby looks great. They can even somehow tell by the heart rate graph that he’s developing neurologically. He’s so active in there that sometimes he punches and kicks the monitors, or even moves around so much that they have to “track him back down” and tie down the monitor to hold him in place. We love to hear his little heart beat every day, it’s one “silver lining” to the hospital stay. My husband really loves when we hear the baby kick or punch the monitor and see me jump at the same time because I can feel it. It really makes it feel like we’re interacting with him.
When I was admitted, they gave me a steroid injection 2 days in a row to help with the lung development just in case. At 30 weeks and a day they did a sonogram and the baby was still breech, weighed 3 lbs. 5 oz. and was “practice breathing.” Other than his face on the ultrasound, the practice breathing was the cutest thing I’ve seen yet! His little chest and belly were moving. She said he was strengthening all of his muscles so that when he’s adjusting to “life on the outside” he should be ready for the change in pressure.
I was having a rough time when I was on bed rest in my own house, but being here in the hospital is brutal. The food is HORRIBLE, and they borderline harass you to get your “order” for the menu the next day, but it’s almost never right anyway. Normally, that would only bother me a little bit, but it keeps reinforcing the fact that I’m stuck here, and that I can’t just go get my own meals, let alone shop for and cook them myself.
Everyone keeps telling me to “rest up” and “relax” but there’ve been multiple people from different departments in and out of my room all day every day and even some nights. My doctor finally told everyone that I’m pretty much just here in case something happens and to “back off” a bit, so the interruptions have become less frequent. I feel like this place is turning me into a crazy person who gets irritated by everyone. I can’t get a minute to myself to just reflect on what’s going on
I’m having a hard time with guilt because I have an aunt battling colon cancer & and an uncle who just had a massive heart attack and emergency double bypass surgery. They’re dealing with horribly painful, terrifying, life changing things; and I’m all “woe is me” because I’m stuck in the hospital waiting for the best thing in my life. They’re fighting for their lives, and I don’t want my baby to have to go to the NICU.
I know that I should be (AND I AM) grateful that baby Noah and I are still safe, and healthy for now, but sometimes I get so “into my own head” that it feels like I’m going to be here in the hospital, pregnant forever. I am so ready for my little boy to be here and go home with me and his daddy. I can’t wait for the three of us to start our life together but I know it’s still too early for him to get here, and I want need him to be safe.
Another thing everyone keeps telling me is that when he does get here, I’ll wish I had the opportunity to rest. I know they mean well, but it’s just stressing me out. Rest doesn’t work on a “rollover” plan. You can’t “stock up” so I don’t need to keep hearing about it. I get it, I won’t eat, sleep, or watch TV ever again, but right now, I’m stuck in a hospital bed not doing any of that anyway…and I’ve been doing it for over 11 weeks BEFORE the baby is even born. If he goes to term, that’s 5 more on top of it. The hormone injections and pregnancy brain aren’t helping, but I don’t know what to do to finally make myself just accept what is going on and relax.